Groups of Young Individuals Affirm Their Apathetic Stance Toward Life's Truer Aspects
Headline: Unraveling the Enigma: "The Invisible Mask Effect"
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Encountering the Hidden:
Nowadays, countless young individuals seek counseling sessions, yet they can't decipher the reason for their inner turmoil. Symptoms include silent melancholy, high anxiety, panic episodes, and self-harm – all while maintaining an outward composure. Susanne Hucklenbroich-Ley from the Evangelical Counseling Center Bensberg delves into this intriguing phenomenon and offers potential solutions.
"I can't put my finger on what's wrong with me. Everything seems all right." many counseling sessions commence with these phrases.
In plain speak:
Apart from youngsters battling specific troubles (parental or friendship strife, academic hassles, bullying incidents, etc.), there's been a surge of those enrolling, seemingly free of any apparent issue.
When opening up about their emotions, they appear reserved, introspective, tense, and melancholic. Upon reflecting their feelings, they usually say that their peers wouldn't notice:
"It's like a mask – others only see the mask, but they have no idea what lies beneath." (High school alum, 17 years old)
"I don't want my friends to learn about my true feelings, they'll think something's wrong with me." (9th grader, 15 years old)
When queried about their actual feelings, they frequently label it "deep melancholy" coupled with "silent tension." Some admit to privately bawling their eyes out in their rooms: "I cram a towel against my mouth to muffle the sobs, until I'm too drained to continue."
Others discuss increased breathing difficulty, struggles moving, and immense dread. These youngsters frequently experience panic episodes and engage in self-harming behaviors or aggressive outbursts, substance abuse, or excessive alcohol consumption.
Is Everything Really Okay?
Given these descriptions, it stands to reason why young people and adults assume that "everything is okay."
Notably, there's usually no apparent reason to feel low. Most of these youngsters excel in school, frequent high schools, and reside in secure family environments, whether as only children or with dual-income parents. Within families, they enjoy good care and describe their parents or blended families as supportive. Still, they can't explain their offspring's melancholy. What could be the root cause then?
Burdens Beyond School and Home
The youngsters cite the following triggers:
- Academic Burdens:Battling academic pressures and striving to meet expectations.
- Social Control Through Friends and Peers:Intense peer and friend scrutiny, particularly via chat and social media interactions.
Further stressors come to light during conversations:
Individual Struggles Within the Family:Cases include, for instance, intense pre-parental separation fights that the youngsters still recall vividly, or both parents' employment, which ties to a rigid daily and weekly routine. Sometimes there are specific traumas, like illnesses or family members' passing.
External Social Stressors:These include the restrictions and anxieties experienced during the COVID-19 pandemic, concerns over war scenarios, climate change anxieties, and an uncertain future.
When we discuss these triggering factors, it's often the first time it becomes acceptable for people to acknowledge and describe them as "negative, bad, harmful," etc. Many express relief and say they hadn't perceived things that way before.
Off-Limit Topics
Many find it unimaginable to discuss these issues with friends and family. They say things like, "You're not supposed to do that, you'll be ostracized or alienated" or "We don't discuss that in our family."
It appears there's an unwritten rule: Don't make others feel uncomfortable, don't attack others, and don't shove your perspective on others because it may distress them.
This excerpt first appeared in the GL Family Newsletter by Laura Geyer. It caters to parents (and grandparents) of younger children, and you can subscribe for free here.
Underlying emotional unrest and sadness remain unsaid. Instead, one puts on a fake smile, and consequently, "If I think about it, everything isn't so bad after all" – "INDEED, EVERYTHING IS FINE."
Emotional Perfectionism: When Everything's Under Control
Frustration, melancholy, fury – none of these emotions are to be acknowledged, voiced, or even entertained. One adapts, out of fear of being ostracized or negatively noticed. Negative emotions are suppressed, forbidden, and must be controlled.
British psychologist Annie Hickox refers to this as "Emotional Perfectionism."
"We usually associate a perfectionist with someone pursuing unattainable standards at work, at home, or perhaps in appearance. Emotional perfectionism, however, concerns the belief that one should be able to control their feelings completely."
Emotional perfectionism, in her view, leads to a cycle of fear, negative thoughts, and feelings, along with high tension, also instigated by the "hopelessness of ever escaping this hamster wheel."
Paving the Way for Improvement
In our counseling sessions, we help these connections become visible and find ways to initially allow, and then process anger, melancholy, fury, and other "negative" feelings.
Swiss psychoanalyst Verena Kast argues that the ability to express anger is a fundamental prerequisite for self-realization, self-strength, and social relationship skills. To express anger is to take oneself seriously and simultaneously set boundaries where one can confront and connect with others.
Those who express anger perceive life as changeable. Those who no longer express anger no longer believe that.
Though there's more work to be done: Once young people get a sense of agency in a seemingly hopeless situation, it serves as a solid foundation for viewing life as less hopeless, and perhaps... things can start looking a little brighter!
Annie Hickox: "Emotional Perfectionism - A Hidden Instigator of Anxiety", (forecasted for January 2024, subject to change) Translated with DeepL.com
Verena Kast: "The Meaning of Anger - An Incentive for Self-Assertion and Self-Realization", Freiburg im Breisgau, 2023
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- As neurological-disorders such as autism and ADHD become more common, the stigma surrounding mental-health issues persists, causing many sufferers to mask their feelings.
- Skin-care routines can play a vital role in maintaining mental well-being by promoting a sense of self-care and self-love, acting as a buffer against stressors like academic pressure.
- Nutrition plays a crucial role in overall health and well-being; a balanced diet rich in vitamins and minerals can help manage symptoms of chronic diseases like depression and anxiety.
- Parenting techniques that encourage open communication about mental-health issues can help young individuals cope with the Invisible Mask Effect and develop resilience in the face of adversity.
- The career-development landscape demands personal-growth and emotional intelligence; understanding emotional perfectionism and its impact on mental health is essential for professionals seeking success in their chosen field.
