Managing an Evasive Romantic Partner: A Handbook
Want the scoop on dealing with an avoidant partner? Here you go!
Today, we're diving headfirst into the different attachment styles and what you can do to help if you've got an avoidant partner in your life. Stuck in a rut? Don't worry; we'll help you navigate and fix your relationship.
Ever wondered about your attachment style? Take this quiz to find out!
What are attachment styles?
Attachment styles are simply how humans connect with each other, and a study by psychologist Mary Ainsworth found that these styles form as early as infanthood, affecting our adult relationships. Most adults have either an avoidant or an anxious attachment style. When an adult with an anxious attachment and an avoidant hook up, you’ve got yourself an anxiety-avoidant relationship—a tricky dance if there ever was one.
Avoidant attachment style
Know someone who's a bit of a Rolling Stone? Yep, that's probably an avoidant attachment style. People with this style tend to pull away when things get serious in relationships, feeling bored, trapped, or smothered. They're all about emotional independence.
There are two types of avoidants: fearful-avoidant (the Spice of Lifers) and dismissive-avoidant (Rolling Stones). Fearful avoidants are cautious about situations that involve emotional intimacy and trust, while dismissive avoidants struggle to recognize and reciprocate deep emotional feelings.
Anxious attachment style
Those with an anxious attachment style are all hearts open. They invest significantly in relationships and chase after potential partners relentlessly. They tend to have a deep-rooted fear of rejection, abandonment, and being unlovable.
Anxiety-avoidant relationships
The anxiety-avoidant relationship is a slippery slope. Rolling Stones often attract partners with insecure attachment styles and end up in emotionally dependent relationships.
Characteristics of such relationships include:
- One partner chases relentlessly, the other runs away.
- Partners take turns chasing and running.
But don't despair! With understanding and a little effort, these relationships can be nurtured and restored.
Spotting anxiety-avoidant relationships
Anxiety-avoidant relationships often present with these characteristics:
- One partner acts secretively for no reason.
- One partner ignores you for weeks, then suddenly contacts you out of the blue.
- One partner takes little interest in defining the relationship or progressing it.
- One partner struggles with addiction.
- One partner still keeps exes on social media.
- One partner says things like "true love doesn't exist" or "labels ruin the relationship."
Anxious and avoidant individuals can learn to develop a secure attachment with each other. Here's how:
Treating an avoidant partner
- Get to know the real them—show them you're interested in who they really are.
- Don't seek constant validation.
- Keep up with your own hobbies and interests.
- Communicate your wants clearly and frankly.
- Give them space when they need it.
- Acknowledge their behavior and accept that their need for space is natural.
What do avoidant partners want?
Avoidant partners may crave intimacy but fear it, too. They want emotional connections that foster trust, growth, and mutual respect. Their need for space should not be seen as a deal breaker. Show them that you respect them and truly see them.
Can you fix your relationship?
With understanding, patience, and effort, yes! But remember, change takes time. Both partners must be willing to work at it. Look for signs of love from your avoidant partner, such as:
- Making exceptions to their rules.
- Wanting to move the relationship slowly.
- Making travel or commitment plans for the future.
- Introductions to their family or kids.
- Expressions of love through acts of service, gifts, or physical touch.
- Granting you access to their home without being there.
Ultimately, whether or not a relationship can be saved depends on both partners' willingness to change and adapt. If you haven't found that willingness from your partner, it might be time to move on.
Hope this helps! Remember, every relationship is unique, so be open-minded and persistent in your pursuit of a healthy, balanced connection. Happy love-hunting!
Take the quiz to find out your attachment style today! 😊
- Understanding your own attachment style, whether anxious or avoidant, can provide insights into your adult relationships, as research suggests they form as early as infanthood.
- In an anxiety-avoidant relationship, one partner may consistently chase while the other pulls away, creating a cycle of pursuit and avoidance.
- To help an avoidant partner, it's important to respect their emotional independence, communicate clearly, and allow for needed space while also understanding their possible desire for intimacy and emotional connections.
- A healthy lifestyle, which may include education and self-development, can contribute to improving personal attachment styles and, in turn, relationships.
- Art, whether creating or appreciating, can serve as a means to process complex emotions like grief and foster deeper connections in relationships.
- Building trust and a secure attachment with an avoidant partner may take time and effort from both parties, but signs of progress might include expressions of love through acts of service, desires for future commitments, or introductions to family.
- Maintaining personal hobbies and interests is essential for avoiding codependency and providing emotional stability needed for a healthy, balanced relationship.
