Breaking the Norm: Parenthood Beyond Traditional Paths - Empowering Single Men to Fulfill Their Desire for Children
Solitary Adult without Offspring: The Heavy Weight of Unfulfilled Parenthood Desires
By Lauren Ramoser | More Info | Facebook | Twitter | Whatsapp | Email | Print | Copy Link | More
As the clock ticks past the age of 30, the K-question looms for many: Will I have a child or not? This question usually triggers a clear decision for most couples, guiding them down a standard path of marriage, children, and homeownership. But what about those who fall outside of this mold? Specifically, the single men who yearn for the joy of fatherhood, but are left feeling like oddities in society.
Many overlook the struggles faced by single men eager to become fathers. Psychologist Prof. Dr. Tewes Wischmann sheds light on this issue, explaining in a conversation with ntv.de, "A lot has changed, but women still seem responsible for the topic of child desire, family planning, and having children." This is a reflection of societal norms in which women are expected to handle matters related to reproduction, while men remain silent about their own unfulfilled desires for children.
According to the study "Unwanted Childlessness 2020" by the Federal Ministry for Family, Senior Citizens, Women and Youth, the proportion of unwillingly childless men has significantly increased between 2013 and 2020. However, the number for women has only increased by around six percentage points, indicating that the burden of unwilling childlessness falls more heavily on men.
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The challenge of navigating the dating scene while harboring a growing desire for children becomes more daunting as time passes. For single men eager to have a family, expressing their desire for children could potentially deter prospective partners. Swiss psychotherapist Dr. Ursina Donatsch advises, "The desire for children should not be the only criterion for choosing a partner. Especially when it can be the case that it doesn't work out with the desire for children." 1
While dating, it's important to balance self-expression and sensitivity. One example of an elegant and non-confrontational way to express one's desire for children is, "I currently have a strong desire for children. Do you feel the same? What is important to you in a relationship?" This approach allows the focus to remain on the relationship rather than solely on the desire for children.
Paths to Parenthood for Single Men
Tim F. from NRW shares his experiences, confessing that he only dates women with a clear desire for children. He even explored alternative parenting models, such as co-parenting and sperm donation, when his ex-girlfriend was unwilling to have children. However, he was met with resistance and the relationship eventually ended due to this disagreement. 1
In Germany, adoption is an option for single men, but it is often difficult to be approved as a single applicant. Surrogacy is banned in many European countries and trying to pursue surrogacy arrangements abroad may raise red flags for legal and ethical reasons.
The Way Forward: A Change in Social Norms
To help alleviate the struggles of men with an unfulfilled desire for children, society must take a more empathetic and open approach to single fatherhood. 3 As Prof. Dr. Tewes Wischmann notes, "There is still a lot of room for improvement, out of the taboo zone." This means empowering men to discuss their desires openly without fear of judgment and encouraging the emergence of role models who embrace single fatherhood. 2
Germany already provides financial support and parental leave benefits for single fathers, making it a relatively supportive environment for men starting families on their own. With open discussions and shifting societal norms, more single men will be able to exercise their right to parenthood regardless of their relationship status.
Enrichment Data:
- ntv.de: Missfallene Menschen - Motiviert Vaters werden?
- Psychologist Jogi Löw Talks about His Unfulfilled Desire for Children in 2025
- Support Services for Men with an Unfulfilled Desire for Children in Germany
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- The community and employment policies must recognize the unique challenges faced by single men who wish to become fathers, addressing the societal bias that often silences them. This recognition could lead to education and self-development programs focused on personal growth, lifestyle, and family-dynamics, fostering relationships that support their desire for parenthood.
- Single men pursuing parenthood must navigate the delicate dance of expressing their desires within dating relationships while maintaining sensitivity. Crafting thoughtful questions, such as inquiring about a potential partner's feelings towards children, can help keep the focus on the relationship while addressing the desire for starting a family.
- To truly empower single men in their pursuit of parenthood, it is essential to challenge and transform conventional family dynamics. Encouraging role models who openly embrace single fatherhood, supporting policy changes, and fostering empathy in society can create a more inclusive environment for personal growth and family planning. This transformation would ultimately lead to a more diverse understanding and practice of relationships and family structure in the community.
